From when we are young, we collect memories and experiences that shape who we are
today, including our strengths, personality, habits, and reactions, subconsciously picking up
messages from our environments (Hestlbech, 2018) as new challenges arise from birth to
adolescence, allowing you the necessary skills to progress into developing a solid sense of
self and perception of the world. At each stage, we encounter trauma that can hinder the resolution of issues with that stage. Our inner child holds these emotions, memories, and beliefs from the past. For example, as adults, we may feel an inexplicable need for attention, affection, and reassurance, potentially stemming from a lack of attention, encouragement, and affection from when we were developing.
Our trauma experiences rooted themselves as unresolved issues carried throughout our lives and externalized and internalized through relationships with ourselves and others (Kneisl, 1991). Due to childhood, we may struggle with managing emotions, self-criticism, and negative relationships (Hestlbech, 2018). Our inner child lives inside of us, concerned with our safety, and fears can influence our adult self, limiting us to the world of our inner child.
Signs You May Need Inner Child Work
Examples of Inner Child:
Feelings of not being lovable or worthy of love – "I do not deserve love" or "No one cares about me."
Loneliness - "I am all alone"
Feeling unsafe, feeling on edge - "I am not safe; I have to be alert and prepared at all times."
Need for acceptance - "I need them to accept me."
Excessive worry – "If I stop worrying, something worse will happen."
Childhood Trauma:
Parents Arguing
Parents Divorcing
Lack of Support and Attention
Another Sibling Being Favoured
Steps for Cultivating a Relationship with Your Inner Child:
Get in Touch
An avenue to connect with your inner child through meditation as a source to tap into your inner child's feelings. This provides clarity for your needs and allows a shift in focus. Journaling can help to begin a dialogue to develop a relationship with it.
Listen In
Listen to your inner child's needs, pains, and dreams and take steps for resolution and to make them happen. Our inner child may share a story, such as a need for love and attention and how to obtain that in adulthood.
Be Open
Be open to vulnerability from our inner child to allow it to come out and share its struggles.
We often repress our inner child and the feelings associated. Allow space for the feelings to resurface to support healing.
How To Heal Inner Child Trauma With Therapy
Inner child work will help to access and engage part of the self-experiencing childhood pain. Strive to heal the hurt parts and achieve a self of safety within themselves and the world. Refocusing efforts with encouragement in engaging creatively and finding joy. Therapy approaches such as Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and Eye movement Desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) help to establish safety while providing help tools for coping with emotional triggers and self-judgment. We offer CBT therapists and EMDR to help support your inner child. Find The Therapist That Is Right For You.
References
Hestlbech, M. A. (2018). Reclaiming the Inner Child in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: The
Complementary Model of the Personality. The American Journal of Psychotherapy.
71(1), 1-49. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180008
Kneisl, C. R. (1991). Healing the wounded, neglected inner child of the past. Nursing Clinics of
North America. 26(3), 745-755. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0029-6465(22)00285-7
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